Tuesday Tangents

I've decided that writing is going to become my therapy because heaven knows I need some of that around here! Last weekend was absolutely insane. Alex was working all day Friday and Saturday. (being a bug guy-as Crew calls him, isn't as easy as we thought it was going to be...but we are learning) Actually anything worth it in life is not easy...like being a wife and mother amongst other things. I was looking forward so badly to a quiet Sunday morning while the gang was at church. I needed quiet time so much. So...in the middle of the night, Alex wakes up with this terrible cough and so did Crew. Alex literally sounded like death...of course nobody went to church. I was a tad bummed to say the least.

Sunday everything sort of exploded. I had a meltdown...finally after bottling it all up for a couple weeks. I'm pretty good at that. 3 kids is hard you guys. I think if we spaced them out a bit more it would be more...manageable...but still hard. So many little needs to go around and only two parents, well one that day, who could fulfill them. I sent Alex and the kids off to family dinner while Peter and I stayed home. I needed quiet for more than 5 whole minutes or else I was really going to go insane :)

It's Tuesday now and all is well. I have made dinner (what?!) the past 2 nights. My house is completely messy by the end of the day, but I have homework to do, so it doesn't get cleaned. That's something I'm learning to be ok with. All of these messes will be gone for good one day and I know I'll miss it. (I think...) I told Alex today that I am envious of moms who graduated college before they had kids, (there I said it) and I'm envious of moms who didn't go to college, but who are totally happy with that decision. I'm somewhere in the middle. I would regret it 100% if I quit right now, but I wish I wouldn't regret that choice if I made it. I'm doing everything half-way because my mind is occupied with so many things.

I still miss pregnancy and everything that comes along with it. Honestly. I love it way too much. My midwife is moving out of state so that totally stinks. I'm still not over that completely--I'm so weird.

Peter loves to nurse! I love it. I just wish he didn't love to nurse so much during the night...or love to be held so much during the night. Once he hits 6 weeks, I'm going to try my hardest to get him to sleep longer stretches.

Laney has almost gone 1 week without her binky. It breaks my heart! I miss seeing her with it so much. She is teething this week, so she is extra fussy. I know her binky would help, but it's time for her to give it up.

Crew is getting a little better. He was acting up a lot when the baby was born. We are trying to get him to listen to us still, which is a miss most days. One of these days I really am going to give away sell all of his toys if he doesn't clean them up. I know he know's how to clean. I've seen him :)

We are still discussing a minivan...which I seriously don't want to drive. I thought I did, but I've changed my mind. However, they are the most convenient vehicles on the planet earth.

I'm still so thankful for the meals being brought to us. People are so so nice. I love my ward and having family close by.

37.5 Weeks

I can't believe how fast this pregnancy has gone. It went really fast until 30 weeks, then dragged on until 37 weeks. Now that I am almost into my 38 week of pregnancy, I am a little sad to have it end so soon. The excitement we are all feeling is almost too much to bear over here! We are anxious to know the gender...even though most of us think it's a boy! I now see my midwife every week. It's interesting to see how midwifes and doctors are different. I personally love my midwife and wouldn't see a doctor again unless it was totally necessary. The midwives don't "check" dilation until I am in active labor or way over due. At first I was a little bummed about this, but in all reality it is helping me become more patient. I know the type of birth I want to have and I think that not intervening in anyway will actually help my body progress the way it should. We (alex and I) feel very at peace with knowing that the baby could very well be born close to it's due date or even after. I am definitely uncomfortable but it's only a couple more weeks of feeling the way I do. That's nothing. We try to keep busy during the day and I am on my feet a lot! I think my number one fear is having my house out of order when the baby does come. I don't know who is going to have to come stay at my house if I go in the middle of the night but man alive it cannot be messy or smell like diapers :) So each day I try to clean something but by the end of the day it looks like I haven't touched the place. 

I feel as prepared as I can for this baby to come. Newborns don't need a lot so I actually haven't done a lot! I felt way more prepared for Crew and Laney to come. It's funny how my mindset has completely changed this time around. We are all just praying for a healthy labor and delivery, and a very healthy baby. Our car situation is laughable. How we are going to have 3 children in carseats in one row beats me! I think the thing that scares me the most about 3 little kids close together is all of the crying in the car. It's heart wrenching to have a newborn screaming in the backseat and honestly it's beyond stressful for me. Wish us luck! I'm also not looking forward to all the postpartum goodness but I know that it does end and it goes smoother when I let myself recover and relax! Mom can you stay for like 3 weeks?:) 

We are feeling grateful for this exciting time in our life. I can't help but feel so sad every time I do give birth because then we are one more baby closer to being done having children. I don't know how many we will have but I can't have a million! I will always want a little baby around so I know that feeling will never leave me. Being a mother is the greatest. 

Crew

Crew- How do we go from this...

 to this in a matter of seconds?! Good thing gramma was right there to pull you off quickly...

 Do you know how much we adore your personality? You challenge us in the parenting department, but the good/funny times outweigh the hard times for sure. Then you go off pulling a stunt like this while I'm nursing Laney...so I go over, snap some pictures, and clean you up. Laughing of course because when I caught you, you gave me "the look" and said "no, no" while you put my makeup away. I'm glad you understand it's wrong...but then...

 I go back to caring for your sister when you come to me with soapy, slimy hands holding the baby shampoo lid saying "no, no." Naturally my heart sank when I didn't find the bottle in the bathroom.

You carefully poured the new, full bottle on the carpet in your room. Now I did not get pictures of this because it wasn't so funny. 

You keep us on our toes daily but I love you so stinkin' much I can hardly stand it!

I kind of have this feeling that you will be a big brother to a lot of sisters...not sure why, but your loving personality just makes me think that. 

Your my favorite son Crew.

Xoxo

Mama

A whole lot of words...

Growing up my parents moved us around a lot, from house to house, and Im pretty sure it was because of job changes. They always taught us that change was a good thing and that we should welcome it with open arms. We were pretty good at meeting new friends, going to a new ward again, and navigating our way through our new neighborhoods. With each move my mom impressed me so much because we would go to school with the house fully intact...and then come home with half the house in the moving truck, and the other half in boxes. She is a professional mover! This change was always easy for us kids I guess...even the move to Utah my senior year was fine. Yeah I was sad about leaving cheer and some friends, but I knew that I would still survive in Utah. I kind of like the thrilling feeling of meeting new people and starting fresh. 

Fast forward to where I'm at now. Al and I have moved a lot..a lot a lot in our short 3 years (almost) of marriage. From the time I moved to Utah, I was just smacked hard in the face with a lot of changes! Marriage, moving, jobs, babies...It's been fun, but I haven't handled it as well as when I was a kid. Im starting to shun change a little bit. I crave to just live in one place for a very long time. I am craving the 9am-5pm schedule with dinner at 6:30pm sharp, family time, and then bedtime at 8:30pm. With ALL of us together. This summer sales life is full of changes for us each year. While some say "you are so lucky you can see other places each year!" I nod my head and smile fully knowing that I only half agree with what they are saying. This job is seriously a blessing for us, and my husband is pretty good at it too. The summer's can be so fun for us. It's just our little family of 3 for those months, and we cherish every minute we get to spend together. Sunday's are our very favorite day. It is fun to see new places, meet new friends, and experience different situations that I probably wouldn't find myself in, in Utah. 

With all of that said..we are so very excited to come home! and to our HOME. We bought a house right before summer and miss it a lot. We are so excited to be permanent for a while and have real neighbors! I cannot wait to make little Christmas neighbor gifts, and have Crew deliver them from door to door. The neighborhood is FULL of kids and super fun adults. We are excited to meet everyone. Now this change I am welcoming with open arms. We finally get to be in a ward long enough to have a calling...well, unless we do summer sales again...which we can revisit that later. This change we have been ready to experience for a long time. I am excited to finally hang a picture on the wall and keep it there..without this nagging feeling that I should probably just take it down so it doesn't make a hole in the wall that we will have to refill in 5 months. 

The newest change coming up soon (any day) would be the birth of our sweet daughter. When we were talking about adding another baby soon, I just knew at the moment, that the baby would come faster than we thought. We both knew exactly when we were supposed to add this new person in our home. This is the change that I am most nervous about. Our little family of 3 has it's routine, and we kind of figured out what works for us. It's our little trio. Im sure Crew will not handle this change the best. He has already started to hit us a lot, throw fits, not sleep in his own bed, and he doesn't eat anything...well just snacky foods. It could be that he is turning 2 next month (tears...) but I do think that he can sense this change. So this fall Alex and I made the decision that it is probably best that I take this semester off from school. This was a SUPER hard choice to make...but I think that we just need to be a family of 4 and figure out our new normal. I wish I was that super mom who could do it all..but frankly, I'm not. Going from 1 kid to 2 is going to be an adjustment and I need to get a handle on it. School will always be there but my kids will not..they will grow up, and change a lot quicker than I can imagine right now. It probably sounds like Im in this intense program that demands most of my time..sadly that's not true..but I can't even handle 6 credits right now! So I just need to swallow that and move on. 

We cannot wait to meet our little lady loo. We need her in our family, I can just feel it! Now if I can just be a little more patient with her timing then I would be happy. We are anxious for this change, but I know it's supposed to happen. 

Wish us luck! 

 And a little photo of our Crewbear...gosh I adore this boy. Why is he growing up so fast?!