37.5 Weeks

I can't believe how fast this pregnancy has gone. It went really fast until 30 weeks, then dragged on until 37 weeks. Now that I am almost into my 38 week of pregnancy, I am a little sad to have it end so soon. The excitement we are all feeling is almost too much to bear over here! We are anxious to know the gender...even though most of us think it's a boy! I now see my midwife every week. It's interesting to see how midwifes and doctors are different. I personally love my midwife and wouldn't see a doctor again unless it was totally necessary. The midwives don't "check" dilation until I am in active labor or way over due. At first I was a little bummed about this, but in all reality it is helping me become more patient. I know the type of birth I want to have and I think that not intervening in anyway will actually help my body progress the way it should. We (alex and I) feel very at peace with knowing that the baby could very well be born close to it's due date or even after. I am definitely uncomfortable but it's only a couple more weeks of feeling the way I do. That's nothing. We try to keep busy during the day and I am on my feet a lot! I think my number one fear is having my house out of order when the baby does come. I don't know who is going to have to come stay at my house if I go in the middle of the night but man alive it cannot be messy or smell like diapers :) So each day I try to clean something but by the end of the day it looks like I haven't touched the place. 

I feel as prepared as I can for this baby to come. Newborns don't need a lot so I actually haven't done a lot! I felt way more prepared for Crew and Laney to come. It's funny how my mindset has completely changed this time around. We are all just praying for a healthy labor and delivery, and a very healthy baby. Our car situation is laughable. How we are going to have 3 children in carseats in one row beats me! I think the thing that scares me the most about 3 little kids close together is all of the crying in the car. It's heart wrenching to have a newborn screaming in the backseat and honestly it's beyond stressful for me. Wish us luck! I'm also not looking forward to all the postpartum goodness but I know that it does end and it goes smoother when I let myself recover and relax! Mom can you stay for like 3 weeks?:) 

We are feeling grateful for this exciting time in our life. I can't help but feel so sad every time I do give birth because then we are one more baby closer to being done having children. I don't know how many we will have but I can't have a million! I will always want a little baby around so I know that feeling will never leave me. Being a mother is the greatest. 

January Little Things

In January our weather is absolutely incredible. You couldn't possibly pay me enough to move back to the cold. This month has been filled with photoshoots still--which I love. I've had to force myself to practice a lot which means saying yes to all of these shoots! They have taught me how to catch my mistakes but also be content with my skill level at the moment. I love my camera for so many reasons but mostly because it's still such a mystery to me. So much to learn and figure out...it makes a good challenge.

 ^^^taken before a photoshoot of mine. I just think the desert is beautiful, and I need to photograph it more so I can hang prints up around the house. I have a feeling that these Arizona Cacti will be apart of our life for a while. (also-backlighting is a beast to learn, and one that excites me all at the same time!)

 We have been good little homebodies around here lately. Crew is finally into building and playing with blocks/legos for hours on end. It seriously makes me so happy! Laney on the other hand just teases him by knocking them down. It's so funny to watch. Poor Laney girl still has a hard time going to the bathroom on her own (#2...) so she's been feeling bad lately but I come to her rescue with a suppository! haha So gross...but she is so used to it now, and doesn't even make a peep when I give her one. I think she's sort of grateful for it. I've been giving her more prune juice daily and feeding her healthy foods, but for some reason it doesn't help much. I honestly think that she associates pain with going to the bathroom...so she holds it until she can't anymore. 

Pregnancy has hit me like a ton of bricks the last week or so. I try not to complain about something so beautiful and scarce for some people, but P A I N is the thing that comes to mind when I think about my pregnancy. Maybe it's because I don't have any down time except for at night so all of the running around/standing makes me super sore. The braxton hicks contractions are painful and last all day! I have now officially ran out of maternity clothes that fit me. I thought I bought bigger sizes to last me...but they don't fit. (gaining 40+lbs will do that to ya) The heartburn is the worst it's ever been this time around. Literally all day long. That means our baby will have a lot of hair right? :) Really though--I'm just writing this down so that I can have it to look back on when baby #4 joins us. I am so grateful for this chance to experience all that pregnancy entails! We are just feeling beyond impatient to meet this little one. We are soooo close (4.5 weeks) from meeting this babe but yet so far. And while I am experiencing this...my husband is in the Caribbean...see below.

Rough life this guy has. It must be hard to be able to just pack up and go on a cruise solo for a week. I should give it a try sometime. Really though I am glad he is able to hang out with some guys from work. I'm just afraid he's having too much of a good time! He seriously cracks me up and sometimes is another child of mine :) He will be 26 soon---so I'm hoping with an older age comes a few more gray hairs (literally) and maybe not so many of these trips alone. (I was supposed to go but being nearly 9 months pregnant opted out) He's just lucky I have a hard time saying "no"...oh wait! I did! Miss you sweets! 

Other good things that have happened have been a pedicure with my mother-in-law, a fun trip to the park, cleaning my house so much because I'm afraid it will be messy when the baby comes, and starting up another semester!

 Is it selfish of me to love school so much? The Pathway program makes me laugh and I should take it more seriously because it's the only way I can get into BYU-I online AND keep the cheap tuition. I'll get it done sooner or later and then actually go to school when my kids are all grown. Our Pathway missionaries this semester are gems. I think they are my favorite part of this experience. So wise and so friendly. The Elder is a law professor at ASU and man alive does he just have a way of speaking! I love love love him. I can already tell that I am going to love this semester even though it may be my hardest...with having a baby right in the middle of it. The biggest reason I refuse to take off school until it's done is because I know it will be so hard going back once I take a break. I've got to just plow through. I still don't know what I'll study, I wish I could do something more concrete so I can work when I'm done, but that's not for me quite yet. A Marriage and Family degree looks fun and the Public Health degree looks doable. Either way, I have loved the people I have met along the way. Everyone has such a different story and it's important for me to not have such a narrow view in life. It's good having a life outside from being a mother and wife--those things are of much greater importance, but for me, I also need a change in my routine. 

Looking forward to the rest of January and onto BABY MONTH!!!!

Motherhood

I'm just a ball of emotions lately and I'm blaming it on being 34 weeks pregnant! How in the world am I already to this point?! I'm getting very anxious to meet this little one kicking around inside of me. It's so surreal having a baby and it honestly never ever gets old. I wish I could do this for the rest of my life, but I can't. I'm to the point where everything hurts all the time. I walk and feel like the baby will fall right out...and sleeping is non-existent. 

I have never really experienced the "nesting" stage with Crew or Laney mostly because I wasn't living in a place long enough to nest! But man alive have I hit it now. Alex got me a cleaning lady for Christmas...best husband ever I'll tell you that much. Anyway, she basically jump-started the nesting phase because I have kept it clean, AND I have done little organizing projects around the house. When the kids mess it up I get a tad stressed but Crew has learned to clean up messes right away. Everything I can get ready for this baby is almost done (besides buying teeny diapers) and the kids drawers/closets are cleaned out. I honestly feel that this baby can come whenever they decide as long as it's after 37 weeks. Next item of business is making a bunch of freezer meals...that's quite the task but it will be worth it! 

I'm starting to feel a little sad that Laney bug won't be the baby anymore. She was hardly the baby to begin with! Only 17/18 short months of being the youngest. I didn't rob her of her babyhood right? (tear) She totally kisses my bare belly daily...it has to be bare or else she flips out. She is a tad obsessed with her babies. Kissing them, rocking, feeding, putting them to sleep and taking them for stroller rides. I'd say she's going to rock at being a big sister. Crew is also so very excited and he's totally bugged we don't know what the gender is. It clicked for him the other day when I told him aunt Mariah was having a girl baby. He was like, "well what's your's mom? In your tummy? Tell ME!" He was pretty upset when I kept saying, "It's a surprise Crew!" Hilarious if you ask me. 

Ahh! I'm a tad obsessed with my own babies. And my darling husband who I don't mention enough around these parts. He really is the best and getting the hang of his fatherly role :) The other night he took the kids to the park while I made dinner and he totally loved it. The kids are finally to a stage where they play together and really enjoy being around each other which makes parenting a little easier. 

I often get down on myself for the things I haven't accomplished yet, or upset because something with photography isn't going how I'd like it to...but then I look at my life and my family and feel very much at peace. This is where I am supposed to be right now and I'll get to the other stuff at a later time. For now I'm loving being a wife and mother. 

Just some old pictures I've been in love with lately! I can't believe how fast time goes. I'm not a fan. (also can we just own a home soon so I can hang a million pictures of my babies everywhere?!)