Elephant.

What a week it has been. I don't even know where to start. I should be planning my lesson for Sunday...ya know, the day after tomorrow. But this can't wait. I feel like I have to just let it all out! A lot of crummy things have happened this week, but it could always be worse. My hard drive crashed. Luckily, I am able to save everything I have on it. My house this week is in an awful condition, and I'm at my breaking point. My photos and files on my computer are so disorganized that I just want to burn it up and start over. I've printed the photos I want, and Instagrammed the crap out of our lives....s who needs them! (I'm slightly kidding...)

 But really, I feel like this week I've got a giant elephant sitting on my chest, my brain is so foggy, and my kitchen floors just keep getting stickier. I think the most frustrating thing about all of this is that every day I am working hard. I am literally so busy....but I'm not seeing my work pay off. My computer is still a mess, my house is a mess, and I still have a lesson that is not planned. Some other things happened with my photography stuff that about sent me into a fit of rage, sadness, and just utter disappointment. I'm a "jump in with both feet" kind of girl, but often times, I am forced to backtrack because I didn't do it the right way the first time. (when will I learn?...) 

I'm hopeful that one day I will have my decorated, neat and tidy home. Maybe my kids will still be little, or maybe they will be grown and moved out by that point. I will have my computer organized...it's just going to take hours and hours of rearranging things. I will start to manage my time better. I hope! BUT I cannot tell you what's taking up my time. I am just running in circles while my children keep undoing everything I've done. Any advice is appreciated. I wish I was stronger in the organizing area of my life, and maybe one day, I will be. 

Having 3 wild, and busy children is really so fun. I'm just trying to figure out what works best for me, and them. How do I have a clean space but still play with them? (when I clean...they tend to destroy the room I cleaned up before) I also have a very creative 4 year old who loves to draw, build forts, play dress up in his own clothes (worst thing ever), and constantly be moving all the time.

Also, going to bed after 1am AND waking up with a baby in the night is probably not helping. 

I'm not looking for a pity party. I'm just saying that life happens. It's so crazy hard. I tend to beat myself up over things way too often, but I need to be better. I need to create systems in our home that make me happy. I've heard the saying too much lately, "oh just enjoy them while they're little, they grow so fast." I DO! Trust me, but I will enjoy all of this even more if things are in their places, my files are all backed up and organized, and if we have family systems in place that make our world go around. I will be happier; which will make them happier. 

So I think I'm asking for like 1 week to myself to get things in order. Is that too much to ask? (yes.)

sigh. 

Advice is welcomed!

 I really really really can't get enough of them though. Every single day they make me so happy..and all the other little feelings that go along with motherhood. (ha)

-2015- A Whole Lot of Words

Tomorrow begins the start of the New Year! I still can't believe it. I have thought a lot about goals for myself and for my family lately, and if I write them down I'll stick to them. 

2013 was great for us. I was very content with Crew and so happy with the stage of life we were in. I set out to run a half marathon, and I ended up running two! I loved every bit of it...well not the days after the run. Sore sore sore. In 2013 we decided to expand our little family. I remember New Years eve was the first day that I was truly sick to my stomach. I was so nauseas and every smell about kicked me over. We were going bowling with my husbands family and the smell of that place was the absolute worse. I knew I was pregnant at the time but I think only my SIL knew and maybe my mom. So it was very hard to keep a straight face. Later that night at the family party they were cooking crab and steak. No. no. no. A pregnant girls worst nightmare. I tried to stay downstairs most of the time so that the smell wasn't too strong. I was extremely early in pregnancy (6.5 weeks) so there was no way I was telling everyone why I was having issues...until I pulled my MIL in a room to tell her. So not the way I wanted it to happen--but I had to have her back me up if I left the room to throw up, or if I needed extra help with Crew. So that's how we went into 2014...

My goals in 2014 were just to have a healthy baby (something I couldn't really control, but thought I could) and to have more faith. I was super sick (throwing up at least 4 times a day) for the first couple months of this year. I had all this ambition to be more organized, and have more energy to be a better wife and mother. Well all of that goes out the window when your in bed all day and then the bathroom! So 2014 was all about the baby and Crew. We played a lot, laid around a lot, and oh I finished one more semester of school. So that was good. Looking back, I did have more faith this year! I worry about every single thing in pregnancy, and this time around, I knew it was not in my control. All I could control was my attitude. Worrying doesn't do anything to the situation. The summer of 2014 was an interesting one. We moved to Chicago and Missouri. The summer did go by very fast for me, thanks to awesome friends and family that were out there with us. Laney was born in Missouri and then we made the trek home to Utah. 

Long story short--we were going to switch jobs after we bought a house in Utah that would transfer us to AZ longterm. I was sad to leave the cute little neighborhood that I loved, but we loved Arizona and we were in no way attached to our new house. We ended up keeping the same job after we moved but decided to stay in Arizona. So will someone buy our house in Utah when we can sell it? Thanks.  We love where we are at now, and are so excited to buy again in this area. We have met some fun friends, and think the area is golden. It is! It's perfect for our growing family. 

For 2015 the word I want to live by or always have in mind is IMPROVEMENT. I know, I know, isn't that the point of a new year, and goals? I just see so many ways that I can improve myself, the relationships around me, and my family. This year I will:

-be present more with my family...these are my people. My little group. We will experience the highest highs, and the lowest lows together. I need to do everything I can to not miss a moment with them. I always was slightly annoyed when my mom rushed home to be with the kids from work, or wouldn't do something for herself because it conflicted with a basketball game or a cheer performance. I can see now why she dedicated so much time to us! She loves us, and didn't want to miss a thing. (thanks mama)

-publish my work in photography one way or another. This is a hobby that I am so enthralled in. The industry is so competitive but we are all learning from each other. You can never be done learning in this hobby. There is always something to improve on, or learn. There is SO much to learn, but I am so excited to just jump in and figure it out. It's something that makes me happy and if I can deliver great images to others, then I will be even happier. 

-finish the pathway program (ha ha) yes...I'm doing this! I am excited. It's hard to explain on here, but google it if ya have to. I'll be going once a week to institute classes and then a gathering after, to go over our assignments for the week. This is something I have never experienced before and guys I need to know the scriptures more. I have to. As a mother how am I supposed to teach my kids if I don't even know a lot? Sure I study and read on my own, but I am excited for guidance and a class setting where we can discuss them together. I liked seminary a lot--so I have high hopes for this. The downside is that I have to be with unmarried college folks. Yikes. Totally not my thing...I skipped that. (ok it won't be that bad)Wish me luck. 

-Be healthy. Eat healthier. 

-Expand the family...ha ha I need to convince my better half on that one! It's safe to say that I'll always want to do that though. So don't take it seriously...

I am so excited for this year, I have more goals, but they don't need to be written publicly. Plus, I have written a lot. 

"There is room for improvement in every life. Regardless of our occupations, regardless of our circumstances, we can improve ourselves and while so doing have an effect on the lives of those about us." Gordon B. Hinckley